What if... (Vol. 1)

What if everything could be fixed? What if we could go back and redo the things we have done? What if we could take back those hurtful words? What if we could edit out all of the insensitivity of people? What if there was no close-mindedness? What if there were things that weren't corrupt? What if people meant it when they said "I love you?" What if things made sense? What if I said I was sorry and meant it? What would happen if I saw you and gave you a big hug, the kind that the world would end if I ever let go? What if I told you that a huge hole has been punched through my chest since you've been gone? What if the mere memory of how things used to be was so painful, I actually have trouble breathing? What if I told you I was in love with you?



What if life didn't care........

Crucial

"All the world's a stage...


And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms. And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard, Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side, His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

-William Shakespeare (As You Like It)

For A Rainy Day

Everything in its Right Place - Radiohead
Paper Lung - Underoath
Monster - The Almost
Spirit of the Stairwell - Circa Survive
Videotape - Radiohead
Desert of Song - Between the Buried and Me
Stay Still - Blessthefall
Grapevine Fires - Death Cab For Cutie
Paranoid Android - Radiohead
Home - Foo Fighters
Since We've Been Wrong - The Mars Volta
Karma Police - Radiohead
What Sarah Said - Death Cab For Cutie
Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead
Mirrors - Between The Buried And Me

Some Sort of Order

Something righteous can never live here. Everything must be sent through a scum filter and distorted in to something barely recognizable. The order of things is here, but it is never meant to be followed, only changed. There is a way things are "supposed to be" but we imperfect humans project our imperfect ideals in to it and we come up with something gross and putrid. I struggle to find some sort of consistency, some sort of order. I occasionally find it but most of the time its polluted with people trying to bend it so it fits in to their own idea of what the world should be like. The people with money, power, influence, birthright, etc.... They control everything, but it's us, people of experience and reality-based opinions who actually know what will make things better. But they distort, they control, they manipulate, and deceive. What is the point of fighting for something good then? The answer to this question may be less gratifying than you may want but it IS the correct answer: The fact that you have done something righteous. Who cares if it'll never carry you as far as you'd like to go?




I wish I could follow this ideal.......I can't.

Somber Irony

Harsh words dipped in halfway-completed thoughts. Something flashes. Those flashes haunt your existence. They are my entertainment. Something’s wrong here. Something’s very wrong. Do I need to be fixed? They’re my words after all. Your somberness is understood. Your remorse, unfortunately, is in vain. You’ve spent so much to gain so little. My words are not worth your life. My words are not worth their lives. Your haunted existence is only good for entertaining mine. How dare you make me feel remorse for my lack of compromise! Why the hell should I feel bad for your poor choices? I probably shouldn’t. But here I am, feeling like a may throw up. The room spins with intense reality. And just like that, you’re gone. Yeah, real polite! Come over here, turn my thoughts on themselves and just leave. Fuck you! And here I am……

……feeling terrible.

:::::Listen to “Fix Me” by Emery and “Drive My Soul” by Lights:::::

So...

Today (yesterday) was a day of random events. I go to sleep around 4 AM and am woken up 2 hours later by my first nightmare in at least 8 years. I don't really remember what happened in the dream, but I remember it featuring girl ghosts like the kind you see in The Grudge or The Ring. It sounds campy but it was truly intense. I found myself so freaked out that I couldn't go back to sleep. I had a splitting headache for most of the day and was coughing and sneezing all over the place. I went and saw the final Harry potter movie and had all the bittersweet emotions that came with it. This is a beloved series that I have devoted over ten years of my life to enjoying. And now it's over. I came home and only had 2 hours before I had to go in to work. I was sick and only had 2 hours of sleep so I called in. Kevin was not too happy about it but it isn't like I lied to them. I spent the rest of the day resting and watching movies. I then went online to catch up on the status of the World Series of Poker Main Event only to find out that t wasn't posted anywhere on the internet. I wouldn't have wanted to watch it anyway after I found out that they weren't using the hole card cams this year because they were filming everything live. What happened to poker as a spectators sport?! I was decidedly irritated about that. I then decided to buckle down and get some school work done. That was the most irritating research I've ever done simply because it took SO long to find the information I needed. I'm finally finished and needed to blow off steam. Truthfully, I feel sicker now than I did earlier today (yesterday). I'm not really sure if I'll be able to go to work today or not........


"My life is like an inside joke and no one will explain it to me." -Bright Eyes

Crystal Caves

Stand still.

The caves will speak through shimmering beauty and ice-like song. Send your love out. Watch it reverberate through this glass heaven. Light finds its way through. The cave ignites with color as rays push through the prism filled glory. Slight whispers echo in dreamlike tones through the color-lit darkness of this infinite chasm. I close my eyes. The beauty is too much. Silent tears glide down my face. I am at peace here. I breathe the crystal clear oxygen and feel the cool comfort of a silent breeze drifting across my tear-stained face. I'm in love. This idea is such a calm song, although I can't understand the words. I wish I could stay. I already feel as though I'm being pulled away. I am a child again, being reluctantly, but lovingly, pulled away from my favorite toy. There are more important things. There are other magnificent things to behold. Wake up. Pick up your fragile form from the cold dark tranquility. I can make it. I can push forward. Open your eyes....open your eyes.........open your eyes........



Open your eyes.


 :::::Listen to Treefingers by Radiohead:::::