How to Catch a Troll

I know that all of you have gone out in to your backyard one day to relax, catch some sun, maybe read a book, when you’ve noticed that what was once a haven of rest has been turned in to a smoldering array of chaos. Who is to blame for this you may be wondering. The answer is so simple and obvious; Trolls.

The process for catching these big ugly beasts is not only dangerous but also extremely tricky and challenging.

The items that you need can be found in any magical convenience store (Diagon Alley has the most extensive shops.) You need to find some magically unbreakable rope, an enchanted cage that is at least 20 feet tall and 10 feet wide (Trolls are typically anywhere between 10 – 15 feet tall and are exceptionally fat.) The cage can be made out of any material as long as an unbreakable spell has been enchanted on it. Trolls are like bears in the sense that they love honey so you should make sure that you have at least 3 gallons of honey (Bee honey is best.) You should also have the number for the Magical Creature Relocation Agency (MCRA) handy, as you do not want to harm the creature.

The first thing that should be done is to tie the rope to the top of the cage (make sure you remove the bottom panel by unlatching it from the rest of the cage.) Make sure that the knot is firmly fastened; you may want to make sure that you double or triple tie it depending on how heavy the cage is. Throw the rope over a tree branch (to be sure, you may want to cast an unbreakable spell on the branch as well.) and pull the cage up high over a popular troll spot in your yard. Tie the rope to something stable on the ground and proceed to coat the area underneath the hoisted cage with honey (Warning! Complete this step quickly as it will not take the trolls long to discover that there is delicious honey nearby!) Untie the end of the rope that is closest to the ground and find a hiding place. Remember that trolls are dumb but have excellent senses of smell so you may want to spray yourself with a grass smell or something else ordinary so they don’t sense you are near.

The next thing to do is wait for the troll to come out for a snack. Occasionally you’ll come up against a family of trolls, which is rare because trolls are very solitary creatures. If you find yourself dealing with a troll family then adjust the enchanted cage to something like 20 feet tall and 50 or 60 feet wide. When the troll is directly underneath the cage, release your end of the rope so that the cage falls right on top of the unsuspecting creature. If you’d like, you can add lead weights to the bottom of the cage so that the troll doesn’t knock it over but the unbreakable spell should be enough. Make sure you contact MCRA as soon as possible so that the poor creature isn’t in a cage longer than it needs to be.

That, my friends is how you catch an irritating troll.